The Delhi Detective's Handbook Read online

  The Delhi Detective’s Handbook

  The Delhi Detective’s Handbook

  Being a guide to the ancient Indian field

  of investigation and its application in the modern

  context, including invaluable recommendations

  for all types of disguises and undercover aliases,

  operational procedures and methods of detection

  and observation, not overlooking useful

  information regarding procedures for vetting

  prospective brides and grooms, where to get the

  best street foods while conducting stake outs, and

  the importance of maintaining a proper moustache.

  Authored by Vish Puri

  (in consultation with Mr. Tarquin Hall)

  Illustrations by Lavanya Karthik

  Published by Sacred Cow Media Ltd. 2017

  Copyright © Sacred Cow Media Ltd. 2016

  Tarquin Hall has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

  This is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  First published in Great Britain in 2017 by Sacred Cow Media Ltd.

  Sacred Cow Media Ltd.

  41 St. James’s Square

  Bath, Somerset

  BA1 2TU

  United Kingdom

  www.tarquinhall.com

  ISBN 978-1-9123178-7-5

  eBook ISBN 978-0-9927256-2-4

  Illustrations by Lavanya Karthik

  Book and cover design by Shuka Jain

  Typeset in Adobe Garamond Pro, Perpetua and Courier

  Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ International Ltd, UK.

  DEDICATION

  This book is dedicated with utmost reverence and humility to the Master, Chanakya.

  “Valour is the wealth of rulers”

  CONTENTS

  CONCERNING THE AUTHOR

  INTRODUCTION

  Section One

  Criminal Investigation in Ancient India and its Relevance Today

  . Intelligence gathering

  . Chanakya on recruitment

  . Chanakya on operating in the field

  . Chanakya on entrapping thieves

  . Chanakya on transmission of intelligence

  . Chanakya on detecting poison

  . Sherlock Holmes, a Johnny cum lately

  . From Voltaire to Poe to Doyle

  . Jain philosophy

  . India’s contribution to forensics

  Chanakya on autopsy

  Ancient medicine of India and its application to solving crimes

  Regarding history of fingerprinting

  A great injustice to India

  . Ancient codes

  . So-called “pundits” in British times

  Section Two

  Crimes in Modern India

  . Changes to Delhi itself

  . Some dramatic spikes in crime

  . Types of crime

  . Cybercrimes

  . Serial killings

  Cyanide Mohan

  Auto Shankar

  Handbag Killer

  Dr. Cabbie

  Pilgrim Poisoner

  Bikini Killer

  . Scams, scams, yet more scams

  Chopper Scam

  Coal-block Scam

  Railgate

  2G Scam

  CWG

  . Black economy

  Trade Mispricing

  Master Roll Fudging

  Property Deals

  . Political will sadly lacking

  . Some examples of my own recent cases

  Pug Kidnapping

  Double Booking

  Moustache Theft

  Death by Electrocution

  Motu Kidnapping

  Loot and Scoot Bride

  Monkey Abduction

  . Principles of matrimonial investigations

  Honey Trap

  Detective-cum-shoulder-to-cry-on

  Section Three

  Operating in Modern India, a Most Challenging Environment

  . Introduction

  . Some misconceptions

  . Other problems faced by private investigators

  . Information is like gold dust

  . How to get hold accurate information

  . Undercover work

  . Code names

  . Disguises

  Sardar-ji

  Babu

  Music Producer

  Sadhu or Sanyasi

  Auntie

  Ditch-digger Wallah

  Junglee Type

  . A nudist experience

  . Types of noses

  . Types of moustaches

  . Types of beards

  . Types of headgear

  . Types of Tilaka

  . Extras required for disguises

  . Where to find uniforms

  . On surveillance

  . Typical disguises for surveillance work

  Licensed Water-trolly Wallah

  Mops and Brushes Wallah

  Kabari Wallah

  Subzi Wallah

  Kulfi Wallah

  Press Wallah

  Beggar Person

  . Types of vehicles suitable for surveillance work

  Bajaj Three-wheeler

  Auto Rickshaw

  Scootie

  Water-tanker

  . On tailing

  . Electronic surveillance

  . Safehouse

  . Dead letterbox

  . Hiring of some unusual items in Delhi

  . Maintaining a body double

  Section Four

  Some Vital Items for Working in the Field & Recommendations for Where to Procure Snacks While Doing Stake Out

  . Vital items for working in the field

  Cellophane Bags

  Chips

  Evil Eye Averters

  Giveaways

  Hand Sanitiser

  IDs

  Lock-picking Kit

  Medication

  Notebook

  Number Plates

  Pen Recorder

  Sonf

  Vehicle

  Weapon

  . Recommendations for where to get outside food while on stake out (or when feeling peckish)

  Section Five

  How a Respectable Private Investigator Should Present Himself at all Times

  . Introduction

  . Dress code

  Safari Suit

  Cap

  Moustache

  Aftershave

  Monsoon protection

  Summer protection

  . Driver

  . Club membership

  . Some tips for foreign detectives visiting India

  Section Six

  Observation and Correct Thinking

  . Training

  . Perspective

  . Observation

  . Physiognomy

  . Jugaad

  . Danger is my ally

  . Confidentiality is my watchword

  . Dharma and dāna

  . On family

  Appendix One

  On India’s Legal “System” Today

  Appendix Two

  Some Letters to Honourable Editor, Times of India

  . On Family Values

  . On Chalta Hai

  . On Corruption

  . On Honking

  . On Chillies

  Glossary of some Hindi and Punjabi words and their meaning in the English language

  CONCERNING THE AUTHOR

  VISH PURI, formerly Military Intelligence, Indian Army, is Founder and Chief Executive Offi
cer, Most Private Investigators Ltd, New Delhi, India. A two-timing recipient of the highly prestigious and recognised World Federation of Detectives Super Sleuth Award (1999 and 2013) and winner of six top national awards also, he is the only Indian private investigator til date to be honoured with the unique distinction of appearing on the cover of India Today. Having achieved unprecedented acclaim and success, Puri is widely regarded as well as celebrated as the best detective in all of India, and possibly the world also. Armed with complete faith in his own abilities while often facing considerable danger and obstacles, he has aided and abetted foreign law enforcement agencies including the Scotland Yard, Interpol, even FBI, thus ensuring their inquiries have come to a satisfactory conclusion each and every time. His clients have included many famous personages and VIPs and VVIPs also, including politicians, Maharajas, captains of industry, leading corporators, cricket and filmy stars, individuals drawn from the creamy layer, as well as Government of India and many other ordinary people from all walks. In 2013 he was recognised by the President of India for averting one national crisis after exposing the criminal activities of underworld don Raju, head of the infamous and so-called “Red Onion Mafia”. When not fighting crime, Puri dedicates himself to humanitarian and charitable work, family life and growing chillies, being a recognised expert in the field. Puri is an ardent supporter of Rotary Blood Bank (RBB), Delhi. He is also Vice-President, Indian Federation of Indian Private Eyes (IFIPE), Founder Member of the Centre for Promotion and Preservation of Dharma (CPPD), Honorary Member of Moustache Association of Punjab (MOP) and Delhi Chilli Growers Association (DCGA), not to mention Lifetime Member of the India International Centre (IIC), Habitat Centre (HC) and Delhi Gymkhana (DG). He has authored A Comprehensive Guide to Growing Indian Chillies (Hot Off The Press, 1999) and contributes on regular basis to letters page of Times of India regarding pressing social issues.

  For more information, including a full biography, go to www.vishpuri.com. Vish Puri is the first private investigator in all India to maintain a presence on the Facebook also.

  TARQUIN HALL is a reputed and regarded British author.

  INTRODUCTION

  Since Mr. Tarqin, an acclaimed British gentleman and journalist who has made his home in Delhi, saw fit to kindly commit to paper in book form his accounts of some of my most notable cases til date, I have become nothing short of a world famous and much celebrated personality. At the time of writing no less than four books1 have been published by highly respectable and well regarded publishers2 in the United States, Britain, Germany, France, Italy, Turkey, Fin Land and other such far flung nations, not forgetting India also (though copies are regrettably very costly here and distribution is somewhat lacking on the publisher’s side). Despite some frankly sloppy errors3 and misspellings on Mr. Tarqin’s part, each book has been a best seller and widely read. All have received complimentary reviews in notable and highly respectable publications worldwide including New York Times, Financial Times, Guardian, even Times of India. Thus I have been the recipient of so much of correspondence from places such as Idaho, Tokyo and Kingston Upon the Thames, London. So many of these correspondents have sent me their heartiest compliments regarding my abilities given that each case has been brought to a successful and satisfactory conclusion, often spectacularly so. No less a person than His Excellency, President of Mongolia read and enjoyed Case of the Man Who Died Laughing to such extent that he kindly wrote me in the most flattering of terms, inviting me to his country as a State Guest no less. Others have endeavoured to engage my services and I am honoured to report that, in this regard, I have been able to assist some seventeen persons, including one Mr. Chulalongkorn Ramathibodi of Venkatanarasimharajuvaripeta whose daughter eloped with a smooth-talking chikna type from Goa and required locating.

  However, the vast majority of correspondence received has come from interested parties requesting information and insights regarding how-all I achieve such extraordinary and newsworthy results given that I am working in the most challenging environment, India being home to a population of no less than 1.3 billion plus persons representing some 2,000 ethnic groups who are speaking in excess of 1,652 languages and are divided into so many castes and sub-castes, not to mention tribals and all. One Scotland Yard (SY) detective and one from the New York Police Department (NYPD) have sought my specialised advice in recent weeks, the latter regarding a certain Dilli wallah who got engaged in some insider training to the tune of crores of rupees. On so many of occasions I have been invited to give lectures, most recently before cadets at the Defence Intelligence Academy. There I divulged the most basic principles of detective work to which I am pleased to report these young men responded most enthusiastically, providing me with standing ovation of some five minutes. Thus I decided it was time to put pen to paper4 and create this humble contribution to the field. It has been nothing short of a monumental undertaking on my part and can be said to be thorough in every which way. Thus I have gone so far as to include recommendations on where to sample the best street food in Delhi given that no detective can think straight on an empty stomach.

  I should like to clarify also that I have been further motivated given the frankly blatant ignorance of peoples from nations around the world regarding the history of spy craft and investigation in India, which predates even that of the Chinese and Arabs by far. Really the extent of such ignorance is quite shocking. Mostly it has come about thanks to that Conan Doyle, whose sole purpose was to promote his fellow Britishers as being superior to all others. Thus nowhere in his work does he show a common decency to acknowledge that Sherlock Holmes was hardly original and that he derived all his methods from India. In actual fact he was nothing more than a cat of the copying variety. Same can be said for Agatha Christie, who exaggerated the hell out of her characters’ abilities given they were always working in villages populated by old grannies and duffer vicars and the like, thus offering few challenges for solving the case. As I have told Mr. Tarqin so many of times (and he has faithfully recorded these comments in his accounts I am pleased to say), India was home to one of the world’s greatest empires, that is the Maurya Empire5 ruled by Chandragupta Maurya and later the great Emperor Ashoka. This while Mr. James Bond 007’s ancestors were living in caves painting themselves blue. During Maurya’s reign the great and wise Chanakya founded the world’s first espionage network and trained his sattris in the discipline of intelligence gathering. Today those same principles, including disguises and techniques of infiltration and all, are used day-in-day-out by my good self and those working under me.

  Naturally it would not be wise on my part (somewhat foolish in fact) to divulge all my trade secrets. So many goondas would like my head on the platter, no less than nine attempts having been made on my life til date, the latest involving a six-foot-tall Afridi6 in Lucknow. Such information could gravely undermine the safety of Most Private Investigators’ operatives. No doubt my competitors, especially Hari Kumar of Spycatchers, should dearly love to learn a thing or three about my modus operandee and turn advantage against me.

  That being said as well as all things being equal, I see no harm in sharing certain experiences and knowledge in the hope of encouraging young Indians to enter law enforcement in general. India requires honest individuals. Our nation is under control of a Mafia Raj, a nexus of corrupt netas, babus and corporators who are totally lacking in any scruples moral or otherwise what so ever. It is no exaggeration to say they are sucking the blood from the very heart of the nation. Thus the only way to put a stop to their activities and put India firmly, back on the track is through hard work and diligence and above all honesty and integrity, not to mention intelligence, also. We must all look to our dharma.

  Vish Puri

  New Delhi, 2016

  Kindly note following: Please find at backside a glossary of Indian words in current usage which may not be familiar to foreign students and readers and will cause so much of confusion if not clarified.

  SECTION ONE

&n
bsp; Criminal Investigation in Ancient India and its Relevance Today

  INTELLIGENCE GATHERING

  Chanakya, also known as Kautilya and renowned as “India’s Machiavelli”, founded the Mauryan Empire some 2,300 years back. As any Indian student with a thorough familiarity and appreciation for his or her history will know, he was both wily and cunning. As previously intimated, Chanakya established the world’s first intelligence network using trained sattris. He was a master politician and economist, in fact, but one with a highly developed social conscience. Perhaps his greatest achievement, insomuch as it has potential to benefit whole of mankind, was his book on statecraft. It was nothing less than a pioneering work, a thorough guide on how to rule an empire cum state. Entitled Arthashastra meaning “Science of Politics”, it is wholly based on the concept of dharma, of righteousness, the idea of duty, which every human being owes to him or herself. Sri L. N. Rangarajan, a former Indian ambassador, has done a tip top translation into English language and thus I am quoting from him under:

  “Dharma is law in its widest sense – spiritual, moral, ethical, temporal. Every individual, whether the ruler or the ruled, is governed by his or her own dharma. To the extent that society respected dharma, society protected itself; to the extent society offended it, society undermined itself.”7

  Chanakya writes that, “The source of the livelihood of men is wealth,” and the state has a crucial role to play in the people’s material well-being. Arthashastra is therefore divided into 15 sections with each providing some suggestions as to how to govern justly and fairly. Section one is titled “Discipline”. Others are titled “Concerning Law” and “The Conduct of Courtiers”. I am pleased to say that another section is also dedicated to “Covert Operations”. This is Chanakya’s guide to intelligence gathering, the basis of the discipline of investigation. No conclusions can be reached effectively without intelligence. It is oxygen of any case.

  So how to gather intelligence? Indian society has always been complex, no less so 2,300 years back. With so many of religions and beliefs, people from different groups often do not mix. I myself am Punjabi. In the event I should want to find out what-all is going on inside a Bengali household, it will prove challenging to infiltrate as a lowly servant or driver. Thus I would require a Bihari doing menial work like sweeping or a Dalit or Christian to do toilet cleaning. Best of all would be a Bengali cook.